OOSEUNG (my three-year old daughter):  "Knock knock."

ME:  "Who's there?"

OOSEUNG:  "Um ... why did the person throw the clock out the window?"

ME:  "Okay.  Why?"

OOSEUNG:  "To see a flying clock."  (Giggles.)

ME:  "Oh, that's so funny, baby."

(We still call our 3-year old girl, "baby."  I think I always will.  Except when she throws a crying fit.  Then I say, "Stop crying!  You are not a baby!"  We're saving up for her therapy.)

SUN SU (my five-year old son):  "No, baby.  To see time fly!"

OOSEUNG:  "No!"

Ooseung proceeds to tell the same joke with the "to see time fly" punchline."  She is very proud of herself.

SUN SU:  "Knock knock."

ME:  "Who's there?"

SUN SU:  "Yoda."

ME:  "Yoda who?"

SUN SU:  "Yoda boda."  (Laughs.)

ME:  "Oh, that's so funny, Sun Su."

He tells more knock-knock jokes with rhyming endings - "appah boppa," "baby maybe," et cetera.

I try to tell them my "interrupting cow" knock knock joke, but they don't – mooOOO! – get it.

ME (trying to change the subject):  "Okay, who wants more cereal?  Popsicles?  Cookies?"

SUN SU:  "Knock knock."

ME:  "Sigh.  Who's there?"

SUN SU:  "Liger."

(... The LIGER! is our geriatric cat.  He was born in 1987.  He doesn't do much.  Amy wonders when he is going to die already.)

ME:  "Liger?  Liger who?"

SUN SU:  "Liger sleeps too much."

ME:  "Oh, that's so funny, Sun Su."

SUN SU:  "That's not a joke."

I laugh really hard.

SURVIVAL CUISINE

SUN SU (my five-year old son):  What do worms taste like?

ME:  I don’t know.  Probably dirty.  Like uh, dirty … wet … chicken.  Really dirty. 

SUN SU:  What happens if you eat one? 

ME:  Well, you shouldn’t eat worms.  That’s like eating dirt.  But … sometimes people do eat worms, if they don’t have any other food, like in the jungle and they’re starving.  (Should I be saying this to him, I wonder.)  Why?

SUN SU:  I want to know if I eat one when I bite this apple.

AMY:  If there aren’t any holes in the apple, then it’s fine. 

SUN SU bites apple, inspects the insides carefully, and puts it down.

SUN SU:  I don’t want it anymore.  I don’t like the skin. 

 

PET NAMES

ME:  What did you name your dog?  (Amy bought the kids stuffed animal dogs for some charity.)

OOSEUNG:  Mine’s Clifford.

ME:  Oh, like the red dog.  That’s a good name.  What did you name your dogs, Sun Su?  (Somehow he has two of them.)

SUN SU:  This one is Decepticon and this one is Decepticons.  They sound the same but they’re not.

ME (laughing):  Oh, I like those names, Sun Su.  Neat.    

ME (to Sun Su’s five-year old cousin):  What’s your dog’s name?

COUSIN:  Autobot. 

AMY:  I think he asked Sun Su for help with that one.

ME:  Yep.
 

 

RELIGION

SUN SU:  Who’s stronger?  Hulk, Venom, or Thing?

ME:  I think the Hulk is the strongest.  Then the Thing.  Then Venom. 

SUN SU:  I think Venom is second. 

COUSIN:  God is stronger than the Hulk. 

ME:  What? 

SUN SU:  Who is faster?  Flash or Hulk? 

ME:  Flash.  He’s the fastest man alive.  The Hulk can jump really far but he’s not as fast.  Superman might be pretty close to Flash though.  I’m not sure.   

COUSIN:  You know who’s faster than everyone?

ME:  … Who?  

COUSIN:  God. 

ME:  God?  No he’s not.  Not faster than the Flash.  Come on, he wears robes and sandals.   

COUSIN:  Hehe, yeah he’s the fastest.  God’s everywhere. 

ME:  That’s not racing.  That’s CHEATING.   

Later.

AMY:  Do you think you could not argue about God with our five-year old cousin again?

ME:  Fine.
 

LOSS

OOSEUNG:  Can Sun Su take his superheroes (action figures) in the car?

ME:  Yes he can, but only two. 

OOSEUNG:  But he can’t take Hawkgirl.

ME:  Right, because he might lose her.

OOSEUNG:  And that would make appah (me) cry. 

ME:  Yes it would.

 

LIKE HEAVEN

Eight months ago, Amy’s favorite uncle died.  Amy took the kids to the burial where they saw the closed coffin being laid to rest in the ground.  When Sun Su asked what it was, Amy told him it was their Uncle Teddy and he was going to sleep a long time and then go to heaven.

One night before bedtime, I was going through pictures in a Corean art book with Sun Su. 

We came upon a page with a small ornately carved jewelry box with brass hinges and brackets.

“What’s that?” Sun Su asks.

“That’s a Corean treasure box," I answer.

“It looks Chinese.”

“It’s not Chinese, alright?  It’s Corean.”

“What’s it for?”

“You put special things in there,” I explain, “like jewelry, clothing –“

Sun Su's eyes light up, “Like Uncle Teddy!"

I laugh until my eyes are wet. 

“Yeah, like Uncle Teddy,” I hug him again.

“Is he sleeping a long time and going to heaven?”

“I think so.”

I pray (to nothing in particular) that my boy doesn’t ask me any more questions about things I don’t believe in.  He’s not ready to not believe in a heaven, and I’m not ready to start.  If I must, I’m prepared to lie to him – it’s the lesser of two evils.    

“Why’s Uncle Teddy sleeping so long?” he asks.  

“Because he was old and sick.”

“I don’t want to sleep too long,” Sun Su says as he’s drifting off to sleep, his small hand touching mine.

“It’s okay, you won’t.  We’ll go to Toys ‘R Us tomorrow and try to finish our Star Wars chess set (more about this in a later entry).”

Toys ‘R Us is a little like heaven to kids. 

“Good night, appah.”   

Right now is close enough for me.