I've got a black eye.  I got an accidental elbow to the face at Brazilian Jiu Jitsu practice last week.  I didn't realize it until someone pointed it out.  There's always a new bruise or ache you don't find until the day after practice - face burn, weird chest/arm bruises, a cut ear, sheared tendons, or maybe your voice sounds funny after a choke that made you go "GAK!"  It's part of the machismo of the sport.

The adrenaline is a natural anesthetic.  A lot of things that would normally hurt really don't when you are struggling for neck and limb.  When those warriors of old say they want to die on the battlefield with a sword in their hand, I get it now.  It's not just abstract heroics, it also hurts a lot less when you're pumped with adrenaline and endorphins and generally pissed off.  Sometimes, just lying down feels good too though, even if it means you might not get up again.

A bad calf muscle cramp will still make you cry like a baby.  Everyone has that Achilles heel.  

My wife Amy was not pleased with the black eye.  She's been calling me "slugger" and says if it happens again she'll hit me in the other eye.  

Anyways, it will probably just look like sleepy eye bags when I go back to work.  Until then, I've made a list of ways I can take advantage of The Badass Black Eye and my temporary faux street-fighting cred.  (I'm really not a fighter.  I'm just trying not to get fat.)

1.  Tell the kids, "You used to have a little brother who didn't listen either.  This (point to bruise) is all that's left of him."

2.  Tell my hospital patients, "You really need to stop smoking.  Now, we can do this the easy way or (take off glasses) the hard way."  (Might work with coworkers too.)

3.  Just go to your usual gym wearing your Submission Wrestling/Tap Out/Sprawl/Team Punishment gym gear on.  The black eye separates you from all the armchair UFC wannabees.  Even muscle heads respect getting punched in the face.  

4.  Heck, just walk around anywhere with your Submission Wrestling/Tap Out/Sprawl/Team Punishment gym gear on and your black eye.

5.  Tell your bed partner you still have a mild concussion and she'll have to do all the work in bed this time.  (Caveat: Probably only works with single people and prostitutes.  Funny, that.)

6.  Tell your partner you still have a mild concussion and she'll have to do all the work around the house this time.  (Caveat: May result in another black eye or bruised testicles.  Choose which one to protect beforehand.)

7.  Put up pictures and an entry on your blog about it, and ask women to send you sympathetic/bikini pics, just so you can honestly say, "You truly are a sight for sore eyes." 

I'll even post my own in a good faith gesture....

A typical afternoon when daddy is staying home and watching the kids.  Don'tcha wish your boyfriend wore socks like me.  Don'tcha.