 A BLONDE HAS A HEADACHE I feel a bit uneasy when I see a younger patient on my list, especially if they are female. Their problems are usually simpler but their reactions are often more difficult. I feel I have to be more delicate in my questioning and my examination. Being pretty tends to exaggerate my aloof personality traits too. Other times the simplicity of the cases is just plain strange. I had an 18-year old girl who was sent up from the ER because of a severe headache. She hit her head in a diving accident a week ago. “I was diving and my head hit the water before my hands did,” the blonde freshman said rolling her blue eyes with chagrine. There was a blonde joke in there somewhere and she knew it. The strange part of the case was that the CT showed a blood clot (sinus venous thrombosis) in her brain, completely unrelated to any trauma. The only likely cause was the oral contraceptives she was on and whatever else a teenager doesn’t want to tell you she’s been using for fun. Luckily she didn’t get a massive clot to her lungs or stroke out. “Well, this clot could be from the contraceptives. You sure you weren’t smoking right? (The risk of blood clots is greatly increased when you smoke while on birth control pills.) But just to be sure, we’ll have to check a bunch of other genetic tests to make sure you don’t clot more than normal,” I explained. “This doesn’t involve needles does it? I am really afraid of needles. I mean, r-e-a-l-l-y.” Prescriptions: Xanax (sedative) - for one morning of final lab draws. Coumadin (blood thinner pill) - for six months. Blissful ignorance of how lucky she is - for a lifetime. ______________________________
DR. AGON and the PRINCE’S PRIDE When I met Miss Rose in her hospital room that first morning, she was still sleeping. Nineteen years old - she was barely a maiden considering the age of most of the ancients on that floor. “Miss Rose,” I said turning on the lights of her would-be dungeon, “Hello Miss Rose….” When she finally lifted her head, and opened her emerald eyes under a strand of dark hair, I was actually taken aback. With her expression of sweet calm, she just stared right into my eyes for the longest time without saying a word. Like a child waking from a long nap, it’s soul flying back from Candyland to reality. Or a princess realizing she’s not so fearful of the dragon’s den she’s found herself in. Or more like a young girl who was up most of the night after having two seizures and getting loaded with Ativan and Tegretol in the ER. “Uh … Miss Rose? … Bria?” “… Hi.” “I’m Dr. Scott, the internal medicine doc who’ll be seeing you.” Like most younger patients and captive maidens, she gave short answers, as if the wrong word would unleash the bloodletting talons of her draconian captor. “I know they drew a lot of blood in the ER last night,” I warned her, “But we’re going to have to recheck your levels today too.” Her young prince caught up to her the next day. He brought McDonald’s for lunch. He had a roguish but insecure impression about him. Seeing the company she kept made me briefly regret that the ER hadn’t checked a urine drug screen. That should have been a given anyways. Halfway through my routine daily interrogation, he sat on her bed and clamped his arm around her, flashing his smile at me as if to unsheathe a sword. Prideful knave. I’ve conjured up make-believe characters in my head that have existed longer than you. And besides, this olde wyrm is already a captive of and captivated by his own queen, bound by a ring, and protector of a princess. Shortly after, the girl was discharged home. Just another teen fairytale. With the dragon being another authority figure or institution, two sleeping beauties, and an ending that stops short of happily ever after. I don't miss those foolish teen years. Talk about the dark ages.
______________________________
I am finally free, in two ways in fact. One,
I think I have finally become bored with Star Wars Galaxies.
Thirty million credits and nothing I want to buy. Hopefully
my online gaming addiction will be
quelled, at least until Autoassault comes out. Two,
Amy and I have watched all of the Oz DVD's, only to realize that
the final season (six) isn't on DVD yet. I love that
series. Characters get brutally killed off in every
episode. Every character has a little good and a lot of bad, and
they all deserve what's coming to them, but you can't help being drawn
to even the worst characters. I also can't believe the same guy
(Chris Meloni) who plays that boor in Law & Order:SVU plays the
most enigmatic and charismatic homophobic / homosexual / murderer / psycho in
the history of television, Chris Keller. Amy's right, I think I have a man-crush on him. * Keller: You know... you know what went on between us,
right?
*Sister: I know that Tobias was in love with you and that you broke his arms and his legs. Keller: Jesus Christ, you put it that way it makes me sound so cold. Sister: So why don't you rephrase it so you come out the hero? PREVIOUS / MAIN / GALLERY / BIO / NOTIFY / FAQ / NEXT EMAIL: scott_to_trot[at]msn[dot]com |
