Friday,
January 16, 2004.
This entry's
Most Unabashedly Male Journaler
Award
goes to: JOSH. He always cracks me up. I
have
to agree with him 110% on the naked conversation
guy in the locker room thing too. Don't be that guy.
ADVENTURES IN PREGGER SEX
“Did you lock the door?”
“Yeah.”
“…”
“…”
(Loud noise downstairs.)
“Was that Sun Su?”
“No, he’s fine.”
“I don’t know about this,” I say after a little while.
“What’s wrong?”
“It feels different. Am I in?”
(I actually look down and check.)
“Yeah.”
“It’s like I’m being bent or something.”
“It doesn’t feel as deep as it usually does. Can you push more?”
“Maybe it’s the angle,” I say trying to picture the angle the cervix and uterus makes when someone is nine months pregnant.
“Wait, let me … try this ….”
“…?”
“This still doesn’t feel right.”
“Maybe there isn’t any room in there.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
“The baby’s probably taking up all the space. You’re probably hitting her in the head, hahaha.”
And that was the end of that.
Surprisingly to me, I wasn’t all that frustrated as anticlimactic as it was. Just the intimacy of being alone together and “playing in the buff” with each other was nice enough. It's been a long time since we even had that.
I can't wait until I get my Amy back. No more babies, baby.
Until then there’s always internet porn.
(Or even better, games with porn. Kinky Breakout. Great game, but not safe for work unless every day is naked day where you work.)
_______________________________________U_WISH_U_WERE_THIS_K3WL@WORK.COM
Some times at medical conferences or organizational meetings, they ask you to sign in and leave your email address. The lists typically look like this:
adenton@blahblah.com
jrogers68@blahblah.com
psmith@blahblah.com
et cetera.
Then I add mine:
Scott_to_trot@msn.com.
It’s slightly more embarrassing when a recruiter or other professional asks for my email and I have to actually spell it out for them on the phone.
“It’s scott to trot. To as in tee-oh. Trot. … Yep … that’s me.”
I could get a different one but it's the only one I check anymore that isn't a huge spam sink. Plus, I think it's kind of funny.
At least I didn't choose:
Scott_crossed_buns@msn.com.
(I wouldn’t email this guy whoever he is.)
_______________________________________ALL WORK AND NO PLAY
MAKES BLOOD POUR OUT OF ELEVATORS*
I remember back in college with my first (and only other) girlfriend, how we never really considered ourselves to be adults. Just one or two years out of high school, we were in that transition period, which I guess is what college is.
Being an adult was obviously no fun. It was all work and responsibility and bills.
I read a line of an article to her once,
“Sex is like play time for adults.”
“That’s really nice,” she pondered.
It still didn’t move her enough to have home run sex with me, but we ran a few bases during many sweaty study breaks in the library stacks.
Looking back, it’s funny. I could never imagine being that adult archetype that we dreaded. Sure there’s work and responsibility and even disappointment at times, but there’s still fun. Sometimes it’s "boring" things you never thought would be that much fun – like laughing with your child, seeing nice people at church, spending time with your significant other or family. Even becoming master of your own destiny by saying "I want to live there" can be fun.
But I still do the same fun things I did back then as well – playing video games, drawing, trying to convince my significant other that now is a good time to have sex.
It just wasn't as depressing as I thought it was, but I'm lucky in a lot of ways. You just have to find things you enjoy, because they probably won't find you.
I can’t help wonder if I will still be playing video games in twenty or thirty years though. I think I will. Can’t let those whippersnappers have all the fun.
Someday my grandchild will be telling his friends, “My grandpa can whip your ass in that game!”
And (s)he’ll be right. That'll be a lot of fun.
*(My favorite references from The Shining.)
_______________________________________
DANCIN' FOO'
As the pictures can attest to, I have started playing DanceDanceRevolution (on Xbox). Got the authentic metal dance pad too. I can't quite do it backwards or upside-down on my hands yet (like some diplomats and physicians can), but I am finally getting better at it. It's addictive, has cool music, and it's great exercise.
And I've looked stupid plenty of times before, so it's all good.
.
