Tuesday, Dec. 23, 2003.

And this entry's award for
Best Taste in Linking To Me
goes to: 

Karen! Another lovely mom, dad, and baby.

 

SIX MONTHS NOTICE

 It's official.

On my birthday this month, I signed a contract stating that I will not be signing a contract to renew my employment at the Empire six months from now.

And so the job hunt begins.

In six months, who knows? Maybe I’ll open a ginseng juice counter / K-pop store in a neighborhood near you. Maybe I’ll open Penny Cillin’s VD Clinic on 8 Mile in Detroit, “for the discerning sex worker.” A gynecology clinic for strippers. Tell me that’s not perverted genius. 

Actually I’ll probably do the same hospitalist thing I’m doing now, just in a new locale, closer to where Amy’s parents live.  Amy needs to be close to her family; otherwise we’d probably be packing our bags for California. I kind of like them too, anyways. 

I’m going to miss a lot of people at work, like my battle-weary colleagues, Dr. Goldenage, Dr. Fuzzyhead, Dr. Juggernaut, my boss The Kommandant, and Dr. Joychat, and many other noble souls who give doctors a good name that I haven’t written about for lack of enthusiasm in a long long while.

One thing I’m reminded of daily in my seven years of haunting hospital wards and patient rooms is, people always appreciate their lives more when they realize they may not be here much longer (assuming they are not comatose on the ventilator).

I have a similar appreciation now on a smaller level of course. The difference being while I know that I will be reborn in some way at the end of my last six months, the atheist in me can’t say the same for those of a shortened mortal coil. But I will fully encourage their enthusiasm for a happier existence.

I know I’m happier already.

(Randomly placed Corean female wrestler pics courtesy of Create-A-Wrestler mode in
PS2's Smackdown:Pain. This is my favorite creation, Coreana Venger.)

_______________________________________

 

 

FEELING LIKE I MATTER TOO

I remember before our little Sun Su came along, I had not so secretly hoped for a baby girl.

To paraphrase Ryan’s or Matt’s thoughts in the past, I didn’t feel confident that I was man enough to teach a boy how to be a man. I feared in my deepest of hearts that perhaps I might not care enough for a boy. The idea of a little boy, quite guiltily, just bored me a bit. I thought I knew what boys were like – I was one and I was boring. I couldn’t see myself doing the boy-father thing like playing catch, or going fishing, or working on cars, et cetera.

These were all naïve thoughts of someone who had no concept of the joyful magic your child brings into your life.

No doubt, little Sun Su frustrates me often. So far the price of destruction has included:

1 DVD player – Ramming the disc tray shut until it becomes too afraid to open is not in the operator’s manual.

1 Bikini Karate Babes game CD – I haven’t been playing it, but still, I always liked the idea that I could if I really wanted to.

1 Joe Satriani music CD – It was my brother’s, and fortunately the only album in his collection that he no longer listens to. Joe rulez though!

1 digital camera – Death by water, and the shutter is afraid to open now. 

1 missing cellphone – It’s been over two months, and I fear the worst.

The good thing about all of this is that I now have someone to blame when things go awry (a la The Simpsons).

Someone spilled Pepsi on Amy’s favorite sweats? Baby did it!

Someone ate all the Key Lime Pie? Baby did it! (Try not to read into this one, folks.)

Garbage didn’t get taken out? Baby did it!

Despite our boy’s swath of destruction, I can’t describe how funny he is. How amazing it is to see his intelligence grow on a daily basis. To talk with him even if I can’t understand half the things he is meaning. Watching him explore and manipulate the world for his own baby desires at an alarming rate.

How much I adore him and love him and want to kiss him all the time.

I used to write how awkward I was with hugs, other than with Amy. But with Sun Su, I grab every little baby monster hug I can each day.

I used to feel a twinge of jealousy realizing that I would take second place in Amy’s heart to our baby. Years ago, I had asked her the question, “If both I and our hypothetical baby were falling off a cliff, and you could only save one, which one would you save?”

She would say, “The baby.” To which I would say, with cold-blooded surprise and logic, “Why? We could always make another baby.”

Only after having our baby, do I understand the true answer to that question. Sure you could make another baby, but you will never make THAT baby again. And that baby already includes the best part of you. 

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