Tuesday,
Nov. 11, 2003.
Latest Movies Seen:
Battle Royale (Japanese),
My Wife Is a Gangster 2 (Corean), and
The Ulala Sisters (Corean)
Mc DOC
I think I know why being a doctor is not all that for me. It's the same reason that fire fighters and police officers who save people always say, "Just doin' my job."
As a doctor, I am not unique. I do nothing that some other doctor couldn't or wouldn't have done. Some might do a less thorough job. Some might do a more thorough job. Some might miss what I did not. Some might not miss what I did.
Simply put, I'm a cog in a machine. I have to say that managed care and the health care system in general reinforce this cog mentality, with every hoop and hurdle. Every time someone who cares more for the hospital than for the patient comes up to me and tells me this patient has to go home. They don't fit criteria. They do fit criteria if I give them an I.V. they don't really need though. This is a required irony when you your idea of care is different from a bean counter's idea of care.
Marcus Welby has about as much chance in this health care system as Peter Pan has in Cell Block D. Both of them will be screwed up the ass by the system.
I've never actually watched an episode of Marcus Welby though. I've heard about it. I like science fiction and fantasy, but I can only suspend reality so far.
"You saved my life," the patient says.
"Big deal," I think, "I just did what any McDoc in a white coat could do and wrote for some I.V. antibiotics or steroids or whatever. You want fries with that?"
I've been laying the lead and inscribing the inks a little more lately (i.e. drawing). When things come together it's a wonderful thing. I create something. An image that no one has created quite the same way or with the same style, thought, or content. It's better than being a doctor or a cog. It might be sloppy but it's mine.
But I guess that's the difference between work and play. During play, you can (at least pretend to) be somebody special.
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DANCING FOOLSSun Su can really dance now. He busts out the moves whenever I put on my favorite Corean techno music (Techno Goofy by Goofy). Kids are really so much fun. I couldn't not like my kid even if I wanted to. If that makes any sense.
My mom also likes the same album. A lot.
MOM: "I like this music, son. Momma used to dance to music like this when I was younger."
ME: "Music like this didn't exist back then. What are you talking about?"
MOM: "I was a great dancer. People would ask me to dance just to watch me."
ME: "I'm trying to listen to music here?"
ME: "Hey, mom said she likes this K-pop music."
BROTHER: "You know what that means, right?"
ME: "What?"
BROTHER: "You need better taste in music."
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I am always amazed at how fast a week passes by as far as my journal is concerned.
I'll put more effort next time, I promise. I'm just tired.
Time to go to sleep now. No dreams as usual. Those are reserved for paper and ink.
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