Sunday, Oct. 12, 2003.
Saw:
Kill Bill. Twice. What a decapitatingly beautiful film.
Feeling: Angry. Mean. Lean(er). And good.
Breast Cancer Awareness
Month: Best charity website ever - The
Boobie-thon.
BABY, I'D FOLLOW YOU ALL THE WAY
TO NORTH CAROLINAThings have not been good at work for the past four months. Busy, stressful, exhausting. I've been a zombie after each day - unavailable emotionally, mentally, creatively, even physically.
My patient care hasn't suffered but my menial paperwork has. The latter really pisses off The Empire, apparently.
So much so that even someone known for complaining the least about his workload or schedules or causing a fuss (me) is now the "bad apple" of the group. My checks may be numbered at The Empire.
Not sure what I'm in store for, but like Han Solo said, "I have a bad feeling about this."
The up side is that I am gracefully prepared for the "worst case scenario," i.e. getting fired for not stamping my signature on charts that already have hundreds of my signatures in them.
There are competing groups out there looking to hire. I could work more in an office setting, something I wasn't too crayjee about in the beginning. But it could be an opportunity to be the primary doctor for many of the Corean folk I know who are looking for a doctor they can be more comfortable with, I've been told by them.
My brother and Amy think that North Carolina might be a good place, based on weather and cost-of-living.
Who knows. If I get another chance to be treated like a fat dog on a short leash, I'll probably stay, out of convenience. But if I am let go like a skinny tiger in the wild, I will indeed run mean and free.
Regardless, I have been feeling much better now than in the past four months. Too little too late maybe.
Just two questions:
1.) What's the Corean community like in North Carolina? (Nonexistent I've heard.)
2.) Is there such a thing as house physicans for strip clubs? (Let's have a free round of Penicillin Daiquiris for everyone - on the house!)
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RETURN OF THE TIGER
CHURCH AJUMMA: "You look different, more handsome. Did you get new glasses? Or a haircut?"
ME: "I think I just got fatter."
In the past few months of my emotional blackout, I've become quite inactive. Whether this was the symptom or the cause of my apathy, I can't be sure.
My laziness cost me - I started to feel it and see it - under my chin, around my waist. My arms got skinny and my shoulders shrunk. Oh my God, I thought, I am becoming middle-aged. And not in a cool Lord of the Rings middle-ages kind of way either.
So after months of nothing, this past week I've been hitting the gym and the treadmill at a furious pace. The muscle mitochondria are working that oxygen better. The testosterone is peaking my interest in living. The serotonin is chuckling at the molehills in my path. I feel better, faster, happier.
I think it's also given me my balls back.
I'm going to keep track of my fitness level over the next couple weeks, similar to Athena's fitness journal, but instead with pictures. Because one of these days, I'm going to look much worse than this. So I'm celebrating while I still can.
Above: That's an ancient Corean triple yin yang bookmark on my nipple. It's stuck there with honey. And yes, this was in the bathroom.
A week's progress.
This is "my ass" pic. As in, "If you don't like it, then kiss it."
I'm not sure why I'm putting all the naked pics up all of a sudden. Maybe it's a sudden testosterone surge. Whatever it is, I am feeling happily angry and I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks. I kind of like this feeling.
