Friday,
November 15, 2002.
Sun Su's
height today: 95-percentile
Sun Su's weight: 90-percentile
Props to Eric
- because he has a most talented
eye.
Props to Melanie
- because she's wonderful.
CODENAME: LONE TIGER AND CUB
AMY: "I'm going to the dentist this morning. Watch the baby."
ME (lifting blanket off my head): "Now? Where's the diapers? Where's the wash basin? Where's the baby? Who's going to watch ME?"
AMY: "Diapers, here. Basin, there. Sun Su, you watch your daddy."
Sun Su always gets up before I do, even when I'm not on vacation. He's always watching me too. Amy says when she breastfeeds him in the wee hours, sometimes he just stares at me even when I'm sleeping. I suspect that he is in love with me.
Hmm. So what to do?
> > *Start Mission Impossible theme song music.*
SECRET ASIAN MAN
> > Today, your secret Asian training begins, sweet Sun Su. Let's start with the Art of Disguise, Deep Undercover, and Identity Reassignment.
I took my little tiger cub downstairs for briefing in my not-so-top-secret room; or as I humbly like to call it - Corean Corps Central. I showed him my shelves of Corean books, movies, CDs that I will want to expose him to and share with him when he gets older.
We surfed the net a bit together (no nudie sites of course - he already gets the yummaries from his mommy, he's not neglected like some of us). I showed him one of my favorite (and most welcoming) Asian boards, Rice Bowl Journals.
"You're a minor celebrity and thread hijacker here, Sun Su. People love you on this board.... and if they don't, I can personally rewrite all their comments until they do." (Just kidding, Carlos ;-).
Well, the nice ones love Sun Su.
I've encountered a couple of bad apples who despise people like me - mixed Asians like myself (and Sun Su) being too proud of their Corean heritage, because you know, I'm not "pure" enough.
I look "too white," is the unstated but everpresent reason. I remind these few people of the disparity between desirability and representation between Asian males versus all other males in this country. I've read all the viewpoints and statistics and papers and essays and frankly I am on the side of the Asian males out there. Where is the love for the seemingly invisible Asian man in our media-saturated society? ("Hey, I saw an Asian actor in the background there for 3.2 seconds! Represent'!")
So hapas like you and me, Sun Su, we get suspicious eyes when it comes to our interest in our heritage, our "roots," simply because what we are in the inside doesn't always show on the outside. There's no deposit and no return on our hapa disguises. Spies like us are forever undercover secret Asians.
We hear the offensive things in public we wouldn't hear if people knew we were Asian.
We get the ugly glares and "fetish" remarks from a few fellow Asians because our disguises work too well. (Can you have a fetish for your roots? I do have a fetish for thigh high leather boots and pleather costumes though - regardless of race. Try me.)
Non-Asians tell us why they have a thing for Asian women, assuming we'll relate simply because we are with an Asian woman and we don't look Asian (not realizing that we are and were practically raised by the women they are talking about as if they were some sort of Nexus 6 pleasure bots). So please don't tell me how you love Asian women unless you love Asian men just as much. Hapa on the brink here. Thanks.
Or even worse, some even try to get "hooked up" with Asian femmes through us like we're the fucking OriEnTal Underground Railroad.
See how we fool everyone Sun Su? Sometimes we wonder if we are fooling ourselves too.
What happens when these things make both halves of a person hurt and hate themselves? I wonder about this ... too often these days.
Maybe if I did look more Asian, I wouldn't grab onto it all so fervently like a cub who's mother doesn't recognize him anymore. Like I hold onto you, Sun Su. Like I hide in you.
Maybe you'll never have to deal with this, but you do have my nose, and my mouth. And some are saying my eyes now ....
Enough of this. Talking about death or masturbation is easy for me. Talking about rejection from the people you identify and empathize with is not.
> > Meltdown overridden. Let's get back to your training, Agent Sun Su.
THE FORBIDDEN HANBOK
> > Next, I gave Sun Su a brief course in classical Corean music. Secret agents must recognize the finer arts.
I showed Sun Su my K-pop posters.
"This is Baek Ji Young, she's great. She was also in this video sex scandal with her manager ... eh, let's move on.
"This is Harisu, Sun Su. She used to be a ma -- ahhh....
"This is Fin.K.L, they are K-pop's sweethearts. When you're twenty, the youngest one will be ... forty-one. Forget it, I don't think you're mother would approve."
> > A tutorial on Confiscation and Evasion, little Agent.
With great foreboding, I remembered the Forbidden Hanbok.
The Forbidden Hanbok was actually a little baby Corean costume that I wore for my first birthday (dol), another huge event in Corean custom. My mom brought it over about a month ago. Now it's faded and ratty and 31 years old. This hanbok was twice as old as Yuri was in my Fin.K.L poster up there. And sixty-two times older than Sun Su is now!!
As soon as I saw it again, I wanted to dress Sun Su up in my hanbok. Amy said no way. It was too dirty and blah blah blah. Surely, I thought, wearing my old hanbok can't be as bad as sitting in baby poo, even if for only a couple minutes. I resolved to wait for our chance.
And now was our chance.
I tossed the hanbok onto the bed. Was that a dust cloud? At first I tried putting my sweatsuit-wearing cub directly into the open hanbok, like slipping a hotdog into a bun. Only, it was more like trying to fit a hotdog in a bun, into another bun.
So I stripped the little man down, as he swung his feet into his mouth with cat-like reflexes expecting me to wipe his cherubic butt cheeks. Then I meticulously put a dozen layers of Corean costume on him. Tied this. Wrapped that. My hands worked fast like a safecracker (or l337 haX0r) nearing the two-minute response mark.
Voila!
Instant Corean prince.
How cool is this? My son is wearing the same exact hanbok I wore almost 31 years ago.
> > Surveillance and Optics Training. Rechargeable batteries are recommended.
I scrambled to find my digital camera. I managed to take too few pics before the rechargeable batteries died.
> > Note to self: Make sure you recharge the rechargeable batteries before using.
I found some batteries in the half-dozen remote controls we have around the house and took these pictures.
> > Resourcefulness is the illegitimate child of Unpreparedness, Sun Su.
> > Now for KOMBAT training. And not just kung fu.
Sun Su and I played video games; well, he loves watching, at least. Here we see Tai Chi versus American style pro-wrestling. I could make some video game analogies about our hapa-hood again but we were too busy watching the girls.
Sun Su was mesmerized. Maybe he couldn't help but wonder why all those mommies were tumbling around so much, when they should be giving up the milk!
Let's stop playing this, Sun Su. You'll start getting hungry for mommy's milk again. I know I sure am.
> > Extraction, Cover-up, and Debriefing.
After we were able to regain our sense of purpose, I realized Amy could be home any minute. I picked up my little partner in crime and took him back upstairs. Undressing him layer after layer and then dressing him back up in plain clothes.
Eventually my mom, Sun Su's grandmother, came in. I couldn't help but tell her about our adventure today, our trek into lawlessness and subterfuge (as far as his mommy would be concerned).
My mom laughed, when I showed her the pictures.
"You know, you are just like your father," she chuckled,
"When you were one year old, your father dressed you up in your hanbok and paraded you up and down the street in the middle of winter. I tried to stop him - your momma was so mad." (My mom often refers to herself in the third person as "your momma.")
"But your father was so proud of you kids, he said - (in gruff voice) 'my boy is tough, he'll be alright.' Your daddy, no one could stop him, hahaha...," my mom shook her head in fond remembrance.
Well, fortunately I don't have to parade around in the winter to show off my boy in his traditional clothing. I just do it online.
When Amy came home, the first thing she asked was, "Haha! Did you actually call your mom to watch the baby while I was out?"
Of course I didn't. Sun Su and I didn't want any witnesses. Amy took Sun Su upstairs to feed.
I heard my mom laughing upstairs as she spilled the beans of our exploits, while I quietly stayed downstairs in my room, Corean Corps Central, which also functions as a witness relocation and safehouse program, in this case.
> > Good daddies love you no matter what, Sun Su. They don't care what or who you are, because you are always their child. Don't forget to love them back though. (Same goes for good mommies.)
You'd think that should be enough, but ....
End of training for today.
The picture below is me, in the same hanbok, almost 31 years ago.
Obviously, Sun Su's daddy (me) doesn't know how to put a hanbok on their baby properly.
