Tested on BABIES. Safe for YOU.

ONE LIE

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my
nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse.
"Oh no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think
that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over
to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

-- from Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey

AMY: "I saw it. What do you think I do all day? I breastfeed the baby and look out the window. I know all the goings-on on our street. I'm like that guy in Rear Window."

(Not the porn version but the classic Hitchcock 1954 version. Amy loves Grace Kelly in that movie.)

AMY: "I heard J.Lo got divorced because of an argument over her new restaurant."

AMY: "I don't care. I choose to believe it. Just like Sun Su. Don't you, Sun Su?"

ME: "He does not believe that garbage. As a matter of fact, I'm not going to lie to him about Santa Claus or that Easter Bunny crap either."

AMY: "Why not? It will be good for his imagination. By the time he's six, he'll know it's not true."

I don't want my boy thinking some fat old drunken guy in red pajamas who talks to reindeer is stalking him year round, sneaking into our house every year, eating our food while we're sleeping (and who knows what he's "depositing" in those stockings), and leaving gifts that couldn't possibly fit in one bag.

When I was little, I spent many a night wondering how Santa Claus managed to get down our "chimney" which was really an air vent for our furnace about six inches in diameter. I had envisioned Santa Claus being this boneless rubber man not unlike that liver-eater in an old X-Files episode ("Toombs" was his name I think). It was either that or he just came in through the door, which wasn't very magical either.

I don't want my Sun Su thinking someone else works for his presents and gifts. I want him to know his parents do.

I don't want him thinking man-sized were-rabbits color Easter Eggs on Easter. We do.

He'll probably gain a greater religious understanding of those holidays as he grows up. Amy and I plan on taking him to a Korean church near here.

And I will most likely start reading him my Folk Tales from Korea book (by Zong In Sob) instead of Mother Goose tales. Beware the Kumiho ("nine-tailed fox woman") my son for she will take your breath away … and then your liver. Beware of the evil Tigers too for they look just like the good Tigers. These beings are more real than some global benevolent benefactors.

I will tell him that I will always love him and I will always be there for him, no matter what happens. Just like my own dad told me.

And someday nature or God or apoptosis will take me away from my boy, and make me the biggest liar of them all. Like father, like son.

1. Earlier this week, I was moving in to smother my Sun Su with smooches, and with lightning like speed and dexterity, he actually snatched the glasses right off my face!

There they were dangling on his hooked forefinger! Before I could get the camera he dropped them onto his face. As if to attempt to hide the evidence by wearing them!

2. He's also really strong. He's got sumo wrestler legs. Is it a coincidence he looks just like that little Krypton baby in the movie Superman (with Christopher Reeves)? I think not.

For Cink (a.k.a Cindy) because she made this daddy's day (and I don't think I've ever linked her before).

And for Bonnie and Denver Doug, the closest thing my baby will have to non-Korean grandparents.

Oh, and don't worry. I have every intention of not making this a baby journal. But you know, tomorrow's proud Father's Day and all.

And I figured out why baby smells so good! He smells like a buttered sweet roll. I am not kidding! I want to eat him up.