SEARCHING FOR SEXY COSTUME NO. 8
Finally, I had a full weekend off without having some social function to suffer through (i.e. scam out of).I didn't get enough rest though. I'm so tired today, my head hurts.
I played video games until 4 in the morning on Friday night (Deus Ex, PC) AND Saturday night (Dead or Alive 2, PS2). I haven't played any games in months it seems so this week I think I've had gaming overkill.
So I lumbered to bed at 4 a.m. both nights only to be awakened at 9 a.m. both mornings by sunlight that pierced our bedroom blinds with more precision than Indiana Jones holding the Staff of Ra.
I really didn't do much else this weekend either. For most of Saturday I didn't even put on pants or underwear, but I was wearing a T-shirt. I was too lazy to take that off from Friday night.
My video game orgy was motivated by two goals. To complete the next [several] levels in Deus Ex (a hi-tech RPG I've been neglecting for months). And to unlock the next sexy outfit in Dead or Alive 2 (a fighting game).
They sure don't make it easy though. For instance, in DOA2, you have to fight using the same character no less than 200 times before you get the sexy black leather thigh highs and camel-toe strap costume no.8. That can take days or weeks depending on your job situation and minimal nutrition requirements.
Fighting games often put these "unlockable" secrets in them so people (like me) continue to play them long after they don't really feel like it anymore (or a blood clot develops in their leg from prolonged immobility, whichever).
The quick way to rack up 200 games is to lose the fight as fast as possible, and start again. Repeat. That's incredibly boring though (especially when you are on your third character that weekend).
So to circumvent this boredom, I spent much of yesterday surfing or reading while my feet continued to play on my Playstation2 joystick (and thus a new species of human hath evolved ... homo gamergeekus).
My feet weren't really playing. I was just hitting restart with my big toe every time I heard the game ending until I could rack up that 200-games-played porn-avenger bodysuit.
[NOTE: This is very nearly impossible to do with those tiny button controllers the consoles come with. You are a 20th level cheater if you can pull that off. I recommend investing in a joystick if you are going to have any chance against those vicious hardwired 13 year old replicants at the arcades.]
You don't even have to watch the game either. I would also occasionally hit the kick button with my right big toe just to rile the computer up.
All this while I simultaneously surfed journals, informative Asian sites, or porn (not usually the same site though, but occasionally two-out-of-three).
Now this begs two questions to be asked.
First off, is this the lowest point of laziness or the pinnacle of neo-productivity?
If you are like me, you see the genius in such quadri-dextrous multitasking (and why it deserves an entry all its own).
If you are not like me, then you see an unwashed freak playing video games (and losing on purpose) all day with his feet, who up until 6 p.m. that afternoon wore nothing more than a T-shirt (from the night before). Did I mention my desk chair is imitation leather?
(Note: At 6 p.m., my beloved bride got hungry so I got dressed and we went out for dinner. Shoes, socks, and pants were required, of course.)Oh. And the second question?
Why was I going through all this trouble to unlock some mildly racy video game costume when I could see tons of fully nude and pornorific pics at the click of a desktop file -- er, a bookmark -- I mean, a search engine result?
I don't know the answer to the second question either.
But at least I cut my toenails after taking that picture of my feet. (I was too lazy to retake the picture afterwards though.)
Hope you had fun this weekend too.
(I had some serious / sad stuff to work through this weekend too, but that would kind of defeat the purpose of distracting myself with cartwheeling vixens and playing with my other joystick all weekend ... 10 times, I'm pretty sure. Damn, that would be $300 at my nearest sperm bank. I should bottle this stuff and save up for a new gaming console. Hmm... gives new meaning to the name X-box.)
MEDICAL FACT O' THE DAY
Subject : Hard-ons and video games.
It's a commonly held belief (usually among femmes) that guys get a hard-on (a.k.a erection, boner, stiffy, "baldman at attention," "poorman's joystick," etc.) playing video games with scantily clad femmes in them or even watching organized sports events for that matter. This is completely false. And I'll tell you why.
As any medical student can tell you, penile erection requires activation of the parasympathetic nerve fibers. While ejaculation requires sympathetic nerve stimulation. There's even a mnemonic for this :
P = Parasympathetic = "Point" as in an erect penis "points."
S = Sympathetic = "Shoot" as in "ejaculation."
Point and Shoot. You'll never forget that one, I bet.
Anyways, anyone who is seriously engrossed in a video game or sports event will likely have more sympathetic stimulation ("fight or flee" state) than parasympathetic stimulation (a more relaxed bodily state). This is the same reason athletes almost never get erections while competing. (Although I've heard stories about high school wrestlers.)
If you don't believe this, you can either (1) check yourself next time if you are a male in such a focused event, or (2) check your male if you are his partner while he is engrossed in a focused event.
Sure, he might get an erection after you check him, but he'll probably drop his joystick or beer then too.
Or he might not, and say, "Hey, watch it! I'm about to break my old record here."
Of course, then he'll probably end up playing with himself later that night anyways.
XXX - MEN
I took the X-Men Assessment Test and I am 100% compatible with PSYLOCKE!!! Score!! (Don't tell Amy.)
I was only 69% compatible with Mystique though. Bummer.
Apparently, I was 73% compatible with the hairy guy, Beast. Hmm... well, if he makes a good game opponent and gives good back rubs, who knows?
(link from Jane's site again)
