GOD OF LAWNS
Grass. We've actually had it for a while. In fact, it's being cut now (or was when I started this) !
... Yes, we're hiring someone to cut it.
Our first conversation with the lawn cutter (just minutes ago), hereafter known as GOD OF LAWNS, went like this:
GOD OF LAWNS: "Jee-zus! How long since you got it cut?"
AMY: "We haven't cut it since we moved in."
GOD OF LAWNS: "Christ, how long has that been?"
AMY: "... Two months, maybe?"
GOD OF LAWNS: "Oh my God!! ... Well, I'm gonna have to cut it three times today just to get it down to the right level. Jeez."
So I guess our lawn cutter is a religious man.
I didn't think it looked that overgrown. In fact, I was wondering how people cut lawns before lawnmowers were invented. Did they use a flails or scythes? Maybe they set fire to it? Or maybe they just let it grow, watered it down, and planted rice. Now that's an idea!
But no, we'll obey our little suburban community rules and keep the property values up by keeping our lawn nice and tidy now.
Actually, we're just paying the lawn cutter to stop with the lecturing and open display of lawn disgust.
... an hour later ...
GOD OF LAWNS: "Jesus, I cut it twice but it's too wet. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT water it. It won't need water for weeks. (Our sprinklers are automated. We have no control.) My feet are soaked. My mowers are clogged up. I'll be back to finish it tomorrow. God. Nice doing bizness wit yous."
This guy almost makes me miss my mom's constant bickering.
LEARNING MY RELIGION
That weekend off was nice. I got "fun" stuff done.
Fun defined as either drawing, playing video games, or even better, my Korean studies. Although it hardly feels like studying.
This fervor to immerse myself in all things Korean has shown no signs of waning. In fact, in addition to listening to Korean music (pop music AND classical), reading about Korean history (or COREAN history, back in the old days), mythology, news sites, and trying to learn to speak Korean, I've become enamored with Korean movies now.
I still can't understand what they are saying, but you can pretty much tell what's going on. And the stories are still fascinating, even if I'm missing some good dialog (according to the reviews).
Plus the movies show a lot of what life in Korea is like. I suppose Amy and I are really lucky we didn't run into a gang of butterfly-knife-wielding gangsters or vengeful (but hot Hot HOT!!) ghost girls when we were in Seoul.
I learn other things from the visuals as well. Like what the archetypal good guys look like in their movies. What kind of faces are cast as bad guys. Good girls. Bad girls. How dating differs from here. The deep rooted gang and mob culture. Dance bars. Fashions. Prison-like school systems. Corrupt officials. Strong family bonds. The past four years or so in Korean cinema has been a boom of artistic expression and I'm trying to absorb everything they say (or show actually).
I can't wait until Musa (Warrior) comes out later this month I believe. It's some sort of historical piece about Korean (Koguryo period) warriors traveling to China. Zhang Ziyi stars in it as well. I love seeing all that ancient armor and costume design.
I have to admit this whole Korean awakening thing may seem a little strange. I'm not so naïve as to think learning about all this will actually make me more Korean. It could make me more annoying if I get into people's faces talking about politics and history though.
Most Asian-Americans do NOT listen to Asian pop music, or read about Asian history, or watch Asian films that they can hardly understand. The few Korean-Americans I know in real life never even heard of BabyVOX or Fin.K.L., or know who Queen Min was, or even saw a Korean movie. There's nothing wrong with that. They're Americans afterall.
But I feel I have to know all of this and more. I want to know all of this. Even be a part of it, somehow. Read my kids Korean fables as bedtime stories. Incorporate relatively unknown Korean art into my own art. Speak Korean to the people at the Korean store. Become inspired by historical leaders of the past that they never told me about in school.
I used to think that Asian-Americans taking Asian studies in college were doing so for an easy grade. I mistakenly assumed they grew up hearing history from their parents or something ridiculous like that. Not true. I know exactly what they were doing then. I'm just ten years late.
I mean, if you flip the coin, I would be the equivalent of a half-white boy (who looks Asian) in Korea who loved The Beatles, Elvis, Destiny's Child and NSYNC (well, maybe not). I'd think Pretty Woman, Die Hard, The Patriot, and every cowboy movie ever made was da BOMB! I would love classical music (or try to). I'd watch crappy tapes of General Hospital and Friends for their social commentary value. I'd have cowboy hats, Statuettes of Liberty, and American flags in my room. I'd get defensive everytime someone made a slightly off remark about white folk, or stared at the yellowheaded tall American freak in a Korean crowd, or said that American girls were so ... exotic. I'd actually read American history books for fun, and studying English would be my equivalent of religious conversion.
Sounds a little nerdy and obsessed, but not all that terrible, right? (Actually, a LOT of koreans in Korea do love all that American stuff.)
I don't dream about living in Korea anymore. I mean there's a good reason so many of them want to come to the Land of Opportunity. Basically, for Opportunity. Things aren't always fair in the U.S. of A., but they are downright corrupt in Korea (to a greater degree at least).
That doesn't mean I don't love the motherland any less though. Only more so. You cannot truly love something or someone until you've seen how flawed they are. Upon accepting that, this is where true love starts.
But I do wish I could spend more time over there. Maybe next year if Amy's not pregnant by then.
I don't know. Maybe it's all about feeling you belong to something larger than yourself. Like a community or destiny. Like religion (no offense meant in any way). Just some thing that fills whatever that massive void in your soul has been. I've been empty ... lost ... for a long time. Just thinking about past entries in my old journal with the obvious shift in interests of the current one, I knew there was something missing. I had more of an adrenergic antisocial nihilistic edge then (pretentious much?) ... or something.
Where I used to be lost and yearning for the simple nothingness in forgetting who I am (do you now how many times I used to think a three-foot drift into oncoming traffic would make things easier somehow? ... it was probably the sleep deprivation), now I yearn and work toward finding a part of myself that's been hidden all this time. Something I adore with all my heart, something far away, but a part of who I am, a genetic fire in my blood, nonetheless.
I totally understand what ethnic pride is all about. I understand in my heart why Cassius Clay changed his name to Muhammed Ali. I understand why Dr. Fuzzyhead has to meditate in his office on certain days on that ornate middle eastern rug. I understand how cool it must be to have a Polish Cultural and Dance Center in your town if you are Polish. (I just wish there was a Korean one around here.) My own ethnocentrism has made me respect other cultural diversity and activities that much more. (My ex-girlfriend from college would be so proud -- and shocked.)
Don't worry, I know how crazy this all sounds too. If you haven't been there, all of this may be hard to understand. But this is my journal and I'm allowed to write crazy shit, if it's true.
(Maybe I should have been an artist; they're supposed to be a bit loony/depressed/obsessive anyways.)
Since I'm going on forever anyways, I should add that I have sympathy for the people who started reading me way back, expecting the usual E.R. thing ... only to find out they are in the middle of KoreaTown with an unfamiliar guide now. I'd be pissed too, if I tried taping E.R. and mistakenly got the Angry Asian Channel instead. (Well, actually I'd think the Angry Asian Channel would be much more amusing.)
So thanks to all of you. The ones who stayed with me when I zigged instead of zagged on them, the newer people who like what I am now, and the ones who don't know what they are still doing here but are afraid of unsubbing from my notify list for fear that it may hurt my feelings. (Go ahead, I totally understand.)
I do try to keep a balance in this journal. I'm even contemplating putting up a separate blog thing that I can spill all my dammed-up Asian-ness onto instead of here, but I honestly doubt that will happen.
Just know that any time I am NOT going on about Korean history or pop music or politics or movies, I am holding myself back in a major way, whether here or in real life. It's that bad. It's a good thing I don't talk much.
Fortunately my Amy can tune me out well. We're married, after all.
I suppose this explanatory (or confusing?) entry has been long overdue. I'll shut up now.
And don't bother with the STAT Psych consult on Dr.Scott either. I know exactly what to say to get by those people.
