DON'T MAKE ME DISCONNECT YOUR FEEDING TUBE
So, my paraplegic computer patient, Mr. Full, finally got discharged last week. He was quite upset at everyone that he had to go to another care facility and couldn't go straight home. But he remained relatively nice to me, although I could see he was biting his lip and averting his eyes for awhile there.
But he was happy on the day of discharge.
MR. FULL : "So, you have a website right?"
ME : "… (stare) … Um … a what?"
MR. FULL : "Oh, I meant an email address."
ME : "OH! SURE! Hahaha! Yeah, here."
He just wanted to let me know when his organization site was up. Just a little scare there.
MOVE OVER DR. WEIL
(and trim that beard while you're at it, you hippy)
Work has been work. Not much to write about really.Just little stresses I guess.
I was asked to give a 45-minute talk at the end of the month for the resident noon conference. On "Alternative Medicine" no less. I gave a decent talk on it as a resident two years ago, but I am by no means a proponent of herbal unproven remedies for life-threatening diseases.
I am pretty open-minded about it though and I do believe some alternative (or "complementary" to be politically-correct) medicines may have great potential. If it's been proven in a well-executed high-powered study (not just any study), I will give credit. If not, it's still an unnecessary risk.
Flowers and herbs are no more magical than pills and syrups, they're just less regulated and have a lot more dirt in them.
The good thing is that I'm inspired to draw some new Asian medical superheroes though (like Jin Sin before). So far, I've got Qu Pung Chur ("acupuncture," sister of Sue Chur) and Aquina Asia ("Echinacea," a weak name but it's the best I came up with).
SURE YOU CAN STAY LONGER ... IN THE MORGUE
Dr. Toecutter keeps harassing me about not getting my patients out fast enough.
[Disclaimer : I should also add that Dr. Toecutter is not a specific doctor or person. There are several Dr. Toecutters out there in every hospital. Sometimes it's administration, or managed care people, or nurse reviewers, or any number of cost-saving Empire review boards. It's just the equivalent of a corporate efficiency expert, since when all is said and done, the hospital is just another business. Really. There. Is my ass covered enough?]
Dr. Toecutter : "So, his pneumonia is better, but why is he still here?"
ME : "Um, he can't walk anymore?"
There was more to it than that. Like how he needed some assistance for a day to get his strength back (and to reset his antidiuretic hormone osmostat by being upright) but several days of rehab or even a visiting nurse would have been wasted resources in my opinion. And I wasn't here on the weekend to get him out of bed sooner.
The home nurse wouldn't have been able to see him until the next day anyway. And by then, he wouldn't have needed help.
I certainly tried to send him home. I don't keep people in the hospital for lame excuses like :
"I'm just not in the mood to go." (Oh, I hate that one.)
or "I don't have anything in the fridge at home yet." (Get a salad at McDonald's on your way back.)
or "But what about my gassiness?!" (Ugh.)
A night in the hospital costs more than a night at a four-star hotel, so your reasons had better be good unless you want to pay with your own hard-earned money.
If you are reading this, then you are most likely not one of these people who like to stay in the hospital. You'd probably rather be at home on your computer, like me or Mr. Full for that matter.
But sometimes (or "practically never" if you are an administrator reading this!) I will keep someone who doesn't necessarily fit all the criteria if I think the benefit is worth more than the cost (like conscience, and being able to sleep with yourself at night).
Of course none of this falls under "acute hospital setting" criteria.
Which means our Imperial Hospital might not get paid for the extra day.
Which makes the Imperial CEO and President Maximillion Moneybags and Asshociates crack down on the admini-starstation physicians, like the Dr. Toecutters out there, to start trimming down on inefficient expenses and appendages.
I am the Empire's inefficient appendage.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, AFTER A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR
8:29 P.M. Post-coital on the living room couch.
AMY : "... ? ... That was a lot quicker than usual."
ME : "Sorry baby. It's been a while. You're just too sexy. I couldn't help it."
It was just coincidence that The PowerPuff Girls were about to start. Really.
