Tuesday, February 27, 2001:

Feeling :  Tired and a bit silly (and postcoital).
Hat-less Bald Man Index :  19 (+2).
Jealous of :  Mar's utter smurfiness! 

---

PERVY SMURF and PRETTY SMURF

(just for fun, I've substituted the word "Asian" or "Korean" with the word "Smurf" ... thanks for the suggestion Mike!)

Amy watches that damnable Temptation Island on Wednesday nights.  She’s fascinated by it, by all the cheating skank-ass hoes (man-whores included) on it.  On the radio this morning, we heard a preview of next week :

"I just want her to be happy," was what some dejected boyfriend had said.

AMY :  "What the hell kind of answer is that?  If I was talking about you baby, I’d be like ‘I don’t want him to be happy, I want him to be with ME!’"

Later, lying in bed.

ME :  "Baby, if you weren’t with me, who would you be with?  I mean like a non-Smurf, a Smurf, or a half-Smurf?"

AMY :  "I’d be with Keanu Reeves … or maybe Dean Cain."

First off, I wasn’t expecting such a quick response.  Secondly, certainly not specific names.  Third of all … poor Dean Cain … it appears he’s moved down in the rankings.

ME :  "So you DO have a thing for half-Smurfs!!  I feel so used -- Let's have sex!!  Hahhaa!  You wouldn’t be with a full-Smurf though?  Why not?"

AMY :  "They never asked me out when I was single.  I think I scared them.  They’d ask  me to make some Ramyun (noodles) and I’d go, MAKE IT YOURSELF BEEYAATCH!  You looked scared back then when I saw you in the café too.  Were you?"

ME :  "Well … a little…. "

AMY (smiling) :  "Anyways, I couldn’t be with a guy who was smaller than you though."

ME :  "What are you talking about?!?  I DO NOT HAVE A SMALL DICK!!!"

AMY :  "No, I mean body-wise.  I could only be with a guy who was taller (Amy's near 5'8" ... she says) and bigger than me, and no skinny guys either.  It would have to be someone at least as big as you."

ME :  "Hmm …. So are you saying I just barely made your criteria for body size?  Why don’t you go out and find a REAL man then?!!  Hmmph!"

(I always start these what-if conversations and I always get pissed off during them. What’s up with that?)

AMY :  "Nooo.  I mean I’m used to YOUR body so I could only be with someone as muscular as you."

(I think that rules out our skinny friend Keanu but whatever.  I think he’s good-looking too, by the way.)

ME :  "Half Smurfs in our generation are hard to find though (outside of California).  And they rarely attend Smurf events.  How would you find them?  Assuming you wouldn’t just go and knock on Keanu’s or Dean’s door, haha!  You would, wouldn’t you?"

AMY : "There’s that Half-Smurf page!  I’d go there."

ME :  "And you’d email all the guys there?  Hahhaha! …  Yeah, I guess that would work."

( … hmm ... how did my net-wary baby know about that page in the first place?)

AMY :  "What about you?  You’d be with someone who was blonde or half-Smurf, wouldn’t you?"

ME :  "What?!  I highly doubt it.  I’d have to be with someone who understood where I was coming from and where I wanted to go, and was either already there or wanted to go with me.  I wouldn’t want to be with someone who was wondering what’s up with all this Smurf stuff?"

(A generalization to be sure, but based on previous friendships in the past.)

(Although, to be fair, even my Korean brother-in-law asked, "Why do you just draw Smurf girls?" … This is me speechless.  Whatever.)

AMY :  "You’d be with a half-Smurf then!  I knew it!!  Pfftt!!"

ME :  "No, I don’t think so.  I’ve only met two kinds of half-Smurfs.  Those that totally ignore their Smurfy side and those that completely embrace it.  And those that embrace it, seem to marry full-Smurfs as well.  It’s more than acceptance - it's validation.  Two half-Smurfs together still don’t make a whole Smurf.  I'd still feel like an outsider."

(These views are not necessarily representative of any other half-Smurfs, of course.)

ME :  "I’d probably be with someone who was Smurfy."

AMY :  "That’s only because you met me!"

ME :  "No way, I liked Smurfy girls even before you."

AMY :  "I’m not talking about those BeanieBaby girls either!"

(* I'm using "BeanieBaby" for "Indian.")

Amy (my permanent second girlfriend) always *jealously* brings up the fact that my first girlfriend was BeanieBaby.  That was just lust though.  I knew even then that we were destined to go in different directions. 

I still think BeanieBaby girls are way beautiful.  Their darker eyes, hair, and skin brings to mind warmth.  First loves can do that to you.  I guess Amy is right.

AMY :  "Please.  You thought all Smurfs just came off the boat before I met you."

ME :  "All of the Smurfs at MY high school DID just come off the boat!"

(Except for the girl that went to Harvard and the girl in my orchestra class, I guess.  But I was more attracted to the big-haired blonde twins at the time.)

AMY :  "Pshaww!  Believe what you want, but you just like Smurfy girls because of me."

ME :  "Whatever.  Fine.  Hahaha!"

She’s so completely wrong, you know.

Although … I don’t think I tried to learn to speak Smurf until I met Amy … or read anything about its history (outside of the 5-minute tangent in my Smurfy Arts class) … or listened to their music … or even drew my first real Smurfy girl until I was with Amy.  Hmmm ....

... but I’ll let her believe what she wants to believe.

It hardly matters anyways.  

She's the only Smurfette in the whole village as far as I'm concerned.

 

PREVIOUS ENTRY / MAIN / GALLERY / EMAIL / BIO / NOTIFY / NEXT ENTRY