Wednesday, January 24, 2001:
Last tape seen: Fin K.L. in
concert.
Inevitability Index: 31 (+2, a bad week).
Hat-less Bald Man Index: 9 (+3, a good/sore week).
Links for today: I reached my limit at the end of the page.
I do not blog.
WALL OF BLADES
I always found it fascinating that you can feel completely still and yet be moving miles per minute.
I feel like that sometimes when things are quiet. Like everything around me is rushing by in a blur. People. Relationships. Options. Careers. My life. Some greater meaning to it all. It makes me afraid to move.
I'm afraid that if I try to latch onto something to catch up, I’ll be shredded to pieces by shards of reality.
The rush of the movement is deafening at times. It sounds the same as when heavy raindrops pound your car during a flash flood and the windshield wipers can't quite clear the water off fast enough. It feels like two bullet trains at my sides. Turbulence. Minuteness.
There are times when I can slow it down a little. Silly things like when I'm immersed in a fighting game or anticipating the flurry of strikes and defenses in a kung fu flick. Times when the swirling frenetic action takes over and causes the rest of the spinning world to stop on its axis and wait. Drawing can be like that too. My girls dance and spar and laugh and scowl while I work to capture a single frame.
A single moment of timelessness.
But then reality catches up and the world starts spinning again, reclaiming those moments for itself and more.
I've had other moments like that this month.
Lying in bed with Amy, kissing her neck. With my mouth barely pressing under the angle of her jaw, I could feel her pulse with my lips. With enough pressure on one side (carotid bulb massage *), you can calm a person’s heart rate. With a lot of pressure on both sides, you could kill someone. I’ve always been amazed at how wolves and wild cats instinctively know to go for the neck take-down. They learn while playing as cubs and kittens, but how did they know in the first place?
Another instant happened the other morning, while driving to work.
I think I saw the SUV in my peripheral vision at the same time Amy yelled out. It came through a long red light, out of nowhere.
Frame 1 : The blur of a car to my left.
I slammed on the brakes, tires squealed, we slid. The front ends of our fate-crossed cars shared a 12 inch air kiss, as the SUV zoomed past, at least 50 mph. This was Frame 2.
Another sliver of a second, and the impact would have sent us spinning (if the front end only was hit) or ripped in half (if my side was hit). Dead still in the intersection, I watched as the car zoomed away. I wanted to chase the bastard down and beat him to within an inch of his life. But more than likely, I would just yell until his ears bled. (Or run away when I couldn't see his hands.)
What a waste that would have been, I thought.
Frame 3 was a car already in the distance.
My poor Amy was still a bit shaken. It was really just too close.
I felt small ... minute, then. Trying to stand in my own place while the world went rushing by like so much flying fragmented fiberglass and flesh.
I tried to play it off like it was no big deal to Amy, like another Indiana Jones adventure.
Deep down I was glad for my response time
and my video game playing
and that I was driving
and that the ice had melted
and that Amy was with me, regardless of the outcome.
I was stony and quiet that morning, rounding with my stellar all-femme team, feeling my patients’ pulses, many of which were less than my own.
"Are you okay ... with the team this month?" one of the residents perceived, mistaking my mood for disapproval.
"What? No, I mean the team is great ..." and I explained my sullenness.
The rest of the day went by fine, although I just wanted to take my Amy home and have her kiss me on the neck, really hard.
* ... carotid bulb massage ... a baroreceptor reflex in the carotid that can slow down a fast heart rate sometimes ... don't try this on your grandpa though. If he has a plaque in his carotid, you could give him a stroke. And definitely don't say, "Dr. Scott told me to do it" !!
EKGs
I received three emails about the mysterious dancing K-girl in my previous entry. She's a famous singer in her own right, Lee Jung Hyun. She looks completely different in her recent videos, the difference being her huge lashes and eye makeup. Personally, I prefer her "smaller" naked eyes, as always.
Much thanks to my newly titled EKGs ... Entrancing K-Girls :
Seoul Sister Heather Lee (no site) ... who not only gave me the dancer's name, but also translated all of the singer's names on my all-Korean music video tape.
Beautiful K-Diva Maria ... who kicked ass and took names until she discovered the name of my latest video obsession. She also recommended a similar career for Amy :-).
And last but not least, Kara Leah ... Honorary EKG (K for Kara) or ECG (Entrancing Caucasian Girl?) ... who gave me the name after tapping her sources on her own Asian-pop mailing list, RadioWasabi[dot]net.
Thanks all for giving a name to my obsession (other than "you are a freak").
SLIGHTLY LATE MEDICAL FACT o' THE DAY :
You can kiss under mistletoe. You can fuck under mistletoe. Just don't EAT the mistletoe ... it can cause liver failure (and death). (But you learned this back in Batman Returns right?)
PREVIOUS ENTRY / MAIN / GALLERY / EMAIL / BIO / NOTIFY / NEXT ENTRY
